From IHM School

Little Book of Instructions for Christian Mothers [continued]
(from Mother Love – A Manual for Christian Mothers – by Rev. Pius Franciscus, O.M.Cap., 1926)

On the Christian Training of Children

Temper tantrums in adults (or students acting adult parts) are not pretty.

Chapter VII. - Of Rewards and Punishments.

A stubborn evil spirit that resists the ordinary means of control, is driven out according to the words of our Lord by prayer and fasting. This is also the means by which deeply-rooted defects and faults in children must be driven out. Prayer and fasting will win. Still as long as a child is young enough to be coerced, it should be compelled to pray and fast in its own behalf, though it may be good and advisable that a mother pray for such a child and offer for it many personal acts of self-denial. Prayer humbles the spirit, while fasting chastens the flesh and is the sovereign remedy against sensuality.

This two-fold means is indicated in all cases which do not yield to admonitions and remonstrances, nor to kind words or threats. The mother should consider the source of the fault–pride or sensuality–and choose the remedy accordingly. But she should remember that prayer alone, though very efficacious, will not in itself subdue a proud spirit. It is also necessary to make the child feel humiliation. This may be done by showing preference to its brothers and sisters, by being brief and curt, by disregarding its advances, by isolating it from the others, and by other such minor humiliations.

Humiliations come in many forms.

Repeated faults of sensuality are most easily conquered by denying a child a dessert or some delicacies and knick-knacks for which it may have a special predilection; in extreme cases sine favorite dish of necessary food may also be denied. In serious breaches of sensuality the child should be compelled to sleep on a hard, springless bed, or some other physical chastisement be administered with the palm of the hand or with the rattan or rod. Hardness of heart against the poor should be conquered by distributing alms to the needy through the hand of the child, avarice and greed may be corrected by depriving the child of things to which it may be much attached and by insisting upon its sharing liberally with its brothers and sisters whatever it possesses. The same means, namely distributing alms through the hands of the child and denial of the comforts and luxuries of life, may be used when the child is inclined to extravagance.

The choice of the particular punishment to be administered in the individual case must be a subject of intelligent study. A mother’s intention must never be merely the infliction of pain, but rather the amendment of the child. Severe punishments should only be resorted to, when light punishments produce no results. The punishment also which was fixed upon, should never be applied more severely than necessary, and it should always be administered with due regard for the child’s physical condition. Frequent mistakes are made in the choice and infliction of chastisement.

Drama queens require special treatment.

They are mostly administered without reflection, on the spur of the moment and thoughtlessly. On one occasion parents will punish excessively, and on another not enough, or not at all. Would to God that every mother and every father understood the value of conscientious punishment! The punishment of children has for its object the correction and amendment of faults, and if it is to produce these results, parents must consider it one of their most important obligations, the faithful fulfillment of which becomes a source of untold benefit to their boys and girls and also the occasion of infinite merits to themselves.

However, it is not sufficient to inculcate merely a fear of sin in the hearts of children by the infliction of some punishment; parents must also instil [sic] in them a love of virtue for its own sake and for the sake of the joys and rewards attached to the practice of virtue. This may be done by portraying to them the inner peace which is consequent upon the doing of good works in the service of God and of our neighbor, and by describing in some appropriate story the unrest and remorse of conscience which the sinner experiences after his misdeeds.

Sticky Fingers claims her own reward (and then loses it).

Parents should not be chary of words of commendation and encouragement when a child perseveringly strives to get rid of some fault, or when it had performed some act of self-denial, of patience, of kindness, of obedience, or of forgiveness, which perhaps required no little moral courage. Indeed, mother and father should show sincere pleasure in any act of virtue that the child might perform, and at times, even reward it with some material recompense. Still, in doing so, they should remind the child of the greater pleasure which God has in its well-doing, and how He will reward it with the eternal happiness of His own heavenly home, if it will only persevere in its efforts till the end of its days.

Valuable presents and extraordinary pleasures should rarely be given as a reward. Trifling gifts and minor enjoyments may be granted, but not too frequently, otherwise the child may learn to despise them. The child should never join in the amusements proper to adults only, neither should it be drawn into their cares and worries. The longer we can preserve in the children the simplicity and the innocence of childhood, the more shall we be able also to preserve in them the spirit of docility and obedience and their love for the simple pleasures of home-life.

To be continued . . .