From IHM School

Little Book of Instructions for Christian Mothers [continued]
(from Mother Love – A Manual for Christian Mothers – by Rev. Pius Franciscus, O.M.Cap., 1926)

On the Christian Training of Children

Chapter VIII. - How a Mother Should Instil [sic] into the Hearts of Her Children a Sincere Love and Respect of Their Father, and how She Should Co-operate with Him in Their Education.

During the first months of its early life the child is entirely dependent upon the care of its mother. After a year or so this dependence is not so absolute, yet the child could not thrive without mother’s tender love and care. In these early years the father would be a practical stranger to the child, unless mother roused in its little heart sentiments of love and affection for him, and this should be done from its earliest life and continued through the succeeding years, because this is of the utmost importance to the child. Neither father nor mother individually is sufficient to do justice to all the various demands of a child’s education and training, and they need each other’s cooperation in this difficult task. Mother should consider it a special favor to God to be aided in this task by the clearer judgment and the sterner determination of her husband and the father of her children, since these are a necessary supplement to her own womanly tenderness, sentiment, and affection.

A happy father shows off his newly baptized son.

Hitherto we have directed these instructions and admonitions to the mother only, but in doing so we did not intend to convey the impression as if the father were not concerned in the rearing and the training of the children; on the contrary what we have pointed out as the duties and the obligations of the mother, applies just as well to the father. It is quite true that the father’s work and business do not permit as close an association with the children in their daily life, yet he must be interested in the success of mother’s efforts and second them with the weight of his authority. In particular, the father must give his children a good example by the probity of his daily life, by regular attendance at divine services and frequent reception of the sacraments.

Harmony between father and mother is an absolute necessity in the proper rearing of the children. Father and mother must agree in the methods as well as in the means employed, so that the children may be sure that the will of the father is also the will of the mother, and the commands of the mother are also the commands of the father. The children should never be permitted to discover any difference of opinion or any discord between father and mother regarding the management of them. When a child has failed to show mother that consideration and obedience which is her due, the father should at once sharply rebuke its remissness; and if, on the other hand, it has shown any disrespect to father, the mother should at once severely reprimand it. It may happen that one of the parents has made a mistake; in this case the other one must nevertheless safeguard the authority of the mistaking one in every possible way without, however, approving the mistake. In short, the parents must appear to the child as one person, as having the same rights and authority over it, to whom it owes love, reverence and obedience in the same degree.

In training a child to proper respect and obedience the mother’s example is very important. Her vocation as a wife imposes upon her the duty of respect towards her husband, because according to the doctrine of the Church the husband is the head of the family. She must render to him submission and obedience, be cause he is the master of the house. Mothers sometimes complain that their children’s conduct is frequently the source of much worry and anxiety. This worry and anxiety may easily have arisen from the fact that things are topsy-turvy at home. The wife has arrogated the rights of her husband, and he, smarting under the humiliation, resents her assumption by a morose silence or, chafing under the indignity, frequently rebels against it with violent outbursts of anger. That such a condition must militate against the proper education of the children is evident. The man, indeed, may have such glaring faults, as to make it rather hard to respect him, yet at the same time he has redeeming qualities. The latter good qualities and the Will of God which commands the wife to reverence her husband, should be sufficient motive to esteem him and to be obedient to him. A little good will, a generous forbearance and a spirit of self-denial upon the wife’s part, united with earnest prayer for the help of God, will make it easy for her to submit to this fundamental principle of family government.

The father also has his obligations toward the mother of his children. He must love, honor and respect her. He must protect her, provide for her as well as for the family, and appreciate the happiness of possessing a Christian wife who not only knows but also fulfills her duties towards him and his children and the whole household. These are the wife’s inalienable rights. Sometimes it does happen that a husband neglects these duties entirely, or is, at least, very careless about their fulfillment; sometimes he is quarrelsome, rough and uncouth, a slave of some degrading vices and habits. In God’s name, dear woman, be a heroine and stand firm in the fear and love of God; conquer him with the weapons of meekness and patience, persevere with Christ on the way of the Cross and trust to God’s mercy. A final victory may be long delayed; but there can be no doubt that at last it will be forthcoming, if mother will only persevere in the use of the means which other holy women employed for the conversion of their husbands and for their own salvation, namely, constant prayer, constant patience and humility, coupled with the tears of a loving heart. Where the husband is lacking in fidelity to duty and is negligent in his religion, the responsibility of the mother for her children become doubly urgent and she should by closer watchfulness over them and by more earnest devotion to her own daily duties strive to counteract and offset the father’s bad example.

Just as the father should appreciate a faithful wife and dutiful mother as a priceless jewel, so also should the mother thank God if her husband is a prudent, alert and industrious father, and, besides, is a truly religious man, who is faithful to his daily prayers, goes to church regularly, and receives the holy sacraments at least once a month. The fulfillment of these duties eminently fit the husband and father to be an efficient aid to a truly Christian mother in the difficult task of educating and training children for God and heaven. Therefore, Christian mother and Christian father, bear each other’s little faults and do not let the little differences of daily life disturb the sacred peace of your home.

To be continued . . .